those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
