Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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