I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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