$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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