yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We are all done wearing pants today
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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