the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
