She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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