I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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