the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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