I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
