do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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