What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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