Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
