Swine flu is the new snow day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You took a bar mat shot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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