I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
