she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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