god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
