its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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