see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
