Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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