I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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