How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
