I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
