I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
