she woke up with a sticky ear
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
