do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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