Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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