I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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