I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
