i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
