I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
