went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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