Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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