SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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