"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
