I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
