I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
