you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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