I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
