You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
