I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize