I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
