There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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