I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I believe in your delicious
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
