my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
