if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
