plz talk dirty to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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