When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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