If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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