No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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