I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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