idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
