what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
