btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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