I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
