Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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