Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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