ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You don't make any sense
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