I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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