Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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