When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
