2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
