What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
