drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We got so high we made milksteak
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
