At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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